“Everyone's story is different but alike in many ways.”
If you are reading this I’m going to assume you are a full-time stepmom or soon to be full-time stepmom.
I just want to say…. You are an amazing and strong woman! Only a few like you can and have chosen to take on the role.
My full time stepmom journey began many years ago. In fact I don't talk about this too much but I really became a full time stepmom twice. The 2nd time was the toughest, most challenging and chaotic.
Everyone's story is different but alike in many ways. Aliviah my youngest step daughter, started living with us full time at the young age of 7. The arrangement was unplanned, abrupt and in the best interest for Aliviah.
“Chaos is what it first feels like when you now are caring full time for your stepchild.”
Our schedule at first was chaotic. Adapting our home to a new daily schedule was very challenging at first. Oftentimes my husband and I would have to hash out who was doing which task and how we would be able to fit work obligations and personal activities into this new chaotic schedule.
There were good days when we all got to where we needed to be, dinner planned, bedtimes and getting a child to school on time went perfectly and then there were days that seemed like no matter how fast or hard we tried nothing worked out and stressful moments occurred.
Please keep in mind the feeling of change and adjustment is temporary. Soon you will adjust to what your day to day life is like now that you are a stepmom full-time.
For us the crazy chaotic schedule did get better. I learned how to organize our new lifestyle pretty well. Which was a game changer in our household!
Side Note: If you are interested in learning about how I was able to adapt our family schedule into one that satisfies everyone and gives you stepmama a break. Please check out my other blogs and my guide on 3 steps to plan your weekend with your step family without stress and frustrations.
Chaos is what it first feels like when you now are caring full time for your stepchild. This is normal. Any time there is change and I mean BIG change it's going to feel chaotic and stressful.
Do you ever feel like you're going to freakout, snap or throw your hands up?
Before you do, which if you do I promise you will regret.
Try these three techniques to calm down in a chaotic home or situation.
1. Take a few deep breaths. Taking a few deep breaths can help you to relax and refocus your attention.
Racing thoughts? Focus on your breath and feel yourself relaxing.
2. Find a quiet space. If possible, find a quiet space in your home
where you can take a few moments to yourself. Taking a break from the chaos can help to give you a chance to regroup and refocus. Put on some relaxing calming music or light a scented candle and just relax.
Removing yourself from the chaos can be so helpful.
3. Talk to someone. Talking to a friend or family member can help to provide perspective and support. Listen to their solutions and try to come up with your own solutions.
"Chaos is normal"
Lastly, chaos is normal and will always be there but if you find a situation so out of control then maybe it's time to find some solutions.
Ask yourself why has this become chaotic? What would it be like without chaos? How can I make this less chaotic?
Writing out these questions will give you so much clarity and the answers will come to you.
Work slowly and be patient. Change doesn't happen overnight. Progress is the key to lessen the chaos and live your best Stepmom Life. -Jessica Phifer-Patterson
If you would like to dive deeper on your stepmom journey and need some insight or advice. Book a one on one call with me!