The Perfect Stepmom Is A Myth

stepmomlifeinfo
Oct 8
2 min read

3 truths about perfectionism

By: Jessica Phifer-Patterson

When I started my stepmom journey over ten years ago, I wanted to be perfect for my future husband and my future stepdaughters. I wanted them to like me, I wanted to connect with them, and I wanted to feel accepted.

I learned very quickly that all of those wants come with lots of time, patience, and most of all, trial and error.

Here are some heartfelt insights I've gained along my journey that I sincerely hope will support and guide another stepmama.

It’s Never Enough

Honestly, it will never truly be enough. As humans, we naturally strive for more. Embrace those small victories, like the conversation with your stepchild where you genuinely felt they were open and connecting with you. Appreciate simple moments, such as a hug or sharing a dinner filled with laughter as a family.

"Perfect" moments or situations are nonexistent, so stop striving for perfection in every moment and instead embrace the good times.

It Steals Joy

I desperately wanted our family to experience the best moments. I aimed to be their support during both good and bad times, assist with homework, maintain a clean and organized home, prepare favorite meals, and even occasionally clean bedrooms. However, I quickly realized that trying to be present for every memory and striving for a perfect home and family life led to burnout. Gradually, I began to lose the joy of being a stepmom and simply spending time with my family.

When you feel overwhelmed, consider leaving the dishes in the sink and having a movie night or ordering takeout. Taking a break from your hectic routine might be exactly what you need.

It Breeds Comparison

Social media can be quite frustrating at times! Whether you're observing what the biological mom is doing or just seeing other moms and stepmoms enjoying life with their families, remember that you are unique, just like everyone else in this world. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.

Stay true to who you are, and your stepchildren will appreciate you for your genuine self. They aren't looking for social media influencers or for you to replace their current mom. Discover the unique style you bring to your family.

It's easy to let external influences affect how you feel about yourself, so instead of focusing on what makes you uncomfortable, consider putting down the phone and starting a journal or a new hobby with your family.