Winter Stepmom Mindset Reset

By Jessica Phifer-Patterson

Winter can feel like a season of slowdown, both in nature and in life. For a stepmom like myself, this pause can bring a mix of emotions—reflection, fatigue, and sometimes the urge to question everything! But winter doesn’t have to be just about surviving—it can be about resetting, growing and shifting perspectives.

Here are a few helpful mindset shifts to use this season to refresh your mindset and reclaim your stepmom energy.

Stop Over-interpreting Your Feelings...

If you are anything like me, the winter amplifies everything. Feelings of resentfulness, detachment, or just feeling “off” don’t mean you’re failing or something is terribly wrong—it means you’re human in a hard season.

Lower the Emotional Bar, Not the Standard

You don’t need to feel warm and bonded every day to be a good stepmom. I'm not trying to say you shouldn't be nice or supportive, but it's okay to have days where you are emotionally drained and can't be the happy, fun stepmom for one day. Show up respectfully. That’s enough some days.

Create “Off-Duty” Time — Non-Negotiable

 Schedule time when you are not engaging, fixing, mediating, or hosting. Just this last Saturday, my husband and stepdaughter wanted me to hang out for the evening playing trivia and watching a documentary. The night before, we did the exact same thing. My stepdaughter is really into political history right now, so she loves watching documentaries. Anyways, having spent the night before doing the same thing plus all afternoon entertaining, I just wanted alone time to read a book or watch a show on my own. I respectfully declined to hang out with them. At first, they were shocked, but once I explained that we did, in fact, spend the day and night before together and I just needed some me time, they fully respected that and understood. Make some time for you. Even 30 minutes counts. Protect it like an appointment.

Separate What’s Yours From What Isn’t

Personally, I am a people pleaser. I tend to go above and beyond and then get burnt out. When you are feeling the stress, or when I do, I step back to assess the situation and ask myself: Is this something my husband or someone else can do, or do I have to do this? You are allowed to say NO sometimes.

Use “Seasonal Thinking”

This is a season, not a verdict. It won't last forever. Only like six weeks, which seems long enough. Winter is about maintenance and growth, but not full transformation. Focus on creating a season of stability, maintenance, and small incremental growth.

Spring Brings Clarity

 It's common for a stepmom to feel more patient, hopeful, and clear-headed once the light returns.

 If winter makes you question everything — that’s normal. It may not be a sign to give up just yet. Use the season for perspective and figure out what you want this year to look like as a stepmom. Need more help and clarity on what you want this year's journey to be? Book a call with me today to talk through your feelings and start planning a happier future as a stepmom.

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